I am taking an Indonesian: A Muslim man can take more than one wife, a woman must be faithful
Indonesia is generally known for its diversity, traditions, culture, and their simple way of life. It offers so many opportunities and inspirations that one begins to wonder if they are leading the right lifestyle right after seeing the Indonesian one. Weddings are an integral part of their traditions. Now let's look at Indonesia, where it looks a bit different.
More than 87% of the population in Indonesia are Muslims, making it generally recognized as a Muslim country; however, citizens can practice other religions, such as Christianity, Hinduism. Laws governing marriage in Indonesia are based on various religious rules and regulations for those wishing to enter into marriage. Only religious marriages are recognized in Indonesia; couples wishing to marry must be of the same faith; interfaith marriage is illegal. Christians must marry only Christians and Muslims must marry only Muslims. Polygamy is permitted only to people of the Muslim faith; a Muslim man can take more than one wife provided he proves to the authorities that he is capable of caring for them and treating them equally. On the other hand, a woman cannot take more than one husband.
White dresses
Most women can't imagine their weddings without those miraculous white dresses, after all, it's somewhat an inseparable part of this big day - but not everywhere. If you were to attend a typical Javanese wedding, you would hardly be looking for this white beauty there.
Their traditional costume is called kebaya and brides are willing to spend big money on this costume, just to make an impression. Wedding represents a big role not only in the bride's life, but also in the life of the family. It's a big event. Kebaya costume is Indonesia's national dress, something like our traditional costume, it has many forms depending on the region and culture. There are various patterns and colors, which in most cases mean something. On the whole, it looks like a dress, but it is a combination of a long blouse with a skirt.
I personally bow down to those brides, because after I had the opportunity to try this costume, I concluded that it is very uncomfortable and mainly has a corset character, which means it presses the body a lot and in tropical temperatures it's a real struggle.
When the family plans a wedding in a more modern style, the kebaya is skipped and the bride gets a white dress, but this is only happening in very rich families who want to show that they can afford it and take a more modern view of the wedding.
Dowry
Of course, a traditional Indonesian wedding can't be without a dowry, however, it's not given by the parents to the newlyweds, but the groom to the bride. The dowry should have a value of 10,000 rupees, and in this case, the groom should divide it among the wives.
Alcohol
Honestly, can you imagine a wedding in Slovakia or the Czech Republic, countries where beer is slowly becoming a national drink, without alcohol? Nonsense. Some have it that way and can really enjoy it. I wouldn't believe it, but I experienced it. In Indonesia, the wedding feast starts around noon for lunch and lasts roughly until six in the evening, but of course, it depends on each family.
Forget about midnight cake cutting, or bride kidnapping. The feast looks grandiose, like one mega party, but there is no alcohol. When I first saw everyone dancing, jumping, having fun, laughing, and enjoying the atmosphere, I thought they were high on something, but it wasn't alcohol, as it doesn't belong in their lives. However, they weren't high, they simply know how to have fun.
Most people have never even tasted a sip of beer. Alcohol in Indonesia is not officially banned, except for the Aceh region, which is located in the north of Sumatra, but since most of the population is Muslim, they are not allowed to use alcohol. The government cannot ban alcohol also because of tourism, since Bali is a very popular tourist destination, where tourists spend a lot of money.
Even though forbidden fruit tastes the best, it doesn't tempt people because they are strongly religious and their faith does not allow them.
Ceremonies
Most of the guests only come for the celebration itself and the traditional ceremony is held before the celebration only among the closest ones. Sometimes there are even 2000 guests at the celebration - the bigger the wedding, the better the social status. They are capable of spending all their assets, even borrowing money, just to provide a proper wedding for their children.
As we have the elder, they have Pemaes, it is a person who takes care of the traditional make-up and costume for the bride and also for the groom, and then leads the entire course of the festive ceremony. If the man is a Muslim and the woman is a Christian, one of them must convert. I encountered such a situation when a woman began to study Islam in her free time in order to officially become a Muslim and then get married. It did not matter that her entire family were Christians, she had to convert.
In order for this marital union to be official, several ceremonies must be completed. In Indonesia, the wedding ceremony is conducted in two ways, traditional and modern. Sometimes the bride and groom use both methods, usually in two separate ceremonies.
Modern ceremonies
Modern wedding ceremonies are performed according to the styles of foreign countries. The style used is European and typically sophisticated. The category of modern wedding ceremonies can also include marriages concluded according to Islamic rules.
Traditional ceremonies
The traditional wedding ceremony is held according to local custom rules. Indonesia has many tribes, each with its own tradition of the wedding ceremony. In a mixed marriage, the bride and groom usually choose one of the customs or sometimes these two customs are used at separate events.
The first one is called siraman and it's about purifying the body and soul. The bride is in her parents' house and the groom is in his. There should be no more than seven people at this ceremony. During this ceremony, the spouses bathe in a mixture of flowers, herbs and spices. It is believed that the water used in the bath cleanses and purifies the couple before the wedding, symbolizing the washing away of impurities from the past and the beginning of a new chapter in their lives.
The next ritual is called midodareni and begins the day before the wedding in the afternoon. The bride stays in her room from six in the evening until midnight, where she talks with other women, who give her advice for life. The groom's family also visits the bride's house, but only women are allowed in her room. This day means the last dinner for the parents with their daughter.
During the aforementioned midodareni ceremony, the groom's family brings the bride various gifts along with the rings for the ceremony - this process is called peningset. The groom cannot enter the house and waits on the veranda.
The next day follows the ceremony and then the feast itself, before which the newlyweds have to undergo a test. In our tradition, a plate is broken, in theirs, they step on an egg with their right foot. Subsequently, the woman washes his foot, thereby signifying that she is able to take care of her husband, and the bridegroom, that he is ready to become the head of the family.
Food
The locals love food, they eat constantly and a lot. Whenever we went somewhere, they overloaded me with plates and I always had to nibble on something. As a rule, the amount of food at a wedding is like for an army. The only difference is who prepares the food. I saw a difference between a village wedding and a city one, between a smaller and a larger one, and also between a richer and a poorer one.
Village weddings were very simple, the street where the bride lived was arranged, a tent was set up and that was it. The food was cooked by the female relatives of the family a day in advance, they made a menu they wanted and that was it. Many types of food were prepared and it didn't work like here, that the food was eaten together at the table, but the regime was free. There were like several food stands, something different in each and women served the food. At a really big wedding, it looks like a music festival with a big stage where a famous band is performing and everyone is walking around, chatting, dancing, and eating. For someone who hasn't experienced it, it's definitely a great experience. City weddings have the same character with the difference that they are not on the street, but rather in some hotel, where the staff takes care of the food. They are certainly more luxurious than those in the countryside.
The traditional Indonesian menu includes basic fried rice, fried noodles served with various seafood options such as shrimp, fish in sweet and sour sauce.
Some weddings have sophisticated menus and include multicultural cuisines. If you have not been to Indonesia yet, it is a great way to experience the tastes of Indonesia and it is a sufficient reason to attend a Muslim Indonesian wedding.
Interesting facts
In front of the place where the wedding feast is held, there are various posters and mini billboards displaying the details of the wedding. There are a lot of them and they are very kitschy, but the more kitschy, the better. They are usually prepared in flower shops and brought finished straight to the wedding.
At every wedding, a "reception" is set up at the entrance to the banquet, where young women are painted and dressed, who give gifts to the arriving guests, usually a small gift with the names of the newlyweds, and visitors sign in the guest book. The invitation is sent to the family stating that you can bring anyone with you, and in this style, the wedding takes on a mega dimension. In most cases, the young couple doesn't even know their guests.
At what age do young people get married? Nowadays it is said to be changing, just like in our country, but around 20 years old is ideal. It is significantly earlier for them than for us.
Sengkalan: Corresponding birth dates
In the Javanese tradition, Sengkalan is a practice where the bride's and groom's birth dates are compared to determine their compatibility. A traditional Javanese calendar called "Primbon" is used and an experienced expert calculates whether the couple's birth dates match favorably. It is believed that this tradition brings harmony and happiness into the marriage.
The newlyweds stand all the time on a small podium, which is decorated with flowers and various decorations and accept congratulations all day. All guests must first congratulate them and only then can they be hosted. In our country, young birches decorated with crepe paper are in front of the bride's house, they have something similar, but at the beginning of the street and it's about palm leaves intertwined into some shape.
A wedding in Indonesia is of great importance to the family, but primarily for the preservation of their customs and traditions. Did you know that in each part of Indonesia you will find some differences?
Javanese Weddings (Pingitan tradition)
Javanese weddings begin with a formal meeting and agreement between the families of the couple. Once they together define the date, decide on the budget and assign responsibilities, the preparations begin.
The three-day celebration begins with the already mentioned Siraman, a beautiful and touching ceremony where the parents of the groom and bride shower them with a mixture of water and flowers. It symbolizes the last time their parents bathed them and serves as a reminder of the care they received. After the Siraman, the bride is dressed as a princess and assigned to a room, where she is accompanied by relatives all night - sometimes even from the groom's side. Meanwhile, the groom will be waiting outside her home, symbolizing that he will be a loving and patient husband throughout their marriage. In Central Javanese culture, Pingitan or "solitude" is a tradition where the bride is not allowed to leave her home for a certain period. During this time, they are not allowed to see the groom before the wedding ceremony. Many believe that this old tradition will benefit both the bride and groom, as its aim is to prevent any dangers that may happen to the bride. In addition, it is done so that the groom longs more for his bride's presence.
The second day is a civil wedding and all the guests join in the celebration. In accordance with the couple's religion, an official legalizes the marriage when they sign their wedding documents. After the paper work, the couple performs a series of rituals, including throwing betel nut leaves at each other to ward off evil spirits. Finally, they receive a blessing from their parents and elders.
This is usually followed by a reception, as the newlyweds should eat together as a couple for the first time. Guests are invited to eat and can leave after refreshments. People often skip the ceremonial part of the wedding and arrive approximately 30 minutes to an hour before the reception, where they take turns greeting the newlyweds among eating. Families often organize traditional entertainment.
Sundanese weddings
While the Sundanese are also from Java, they traditionally come from the western part of the island. One of the main differences between them and the Javanese is that most adhere to the cultural and religious practices of Syariah.
The Sundanese also perform Siraman despite it not being a traditional Syariah practice. During Ahad Nikah or marriage, a scarf is thrown over the heads of the bride and groom, symbolizing the connection of their minds. After the formal wedding ceremony, the couple also receives blessings from their elders. Then, while the unmarried guests are under an umbrella, they are "showered" with coins, gifts, turmeric rice, and sweets for luck. This is followed by a series of games designed to teach the couple to live in harmony. Finally, the couple is fed by their parents, signifying that they are under their parents' wings for the last time.
After the traditional ceremony, a reception follows, where guests can personally congratulate the couple.
Balinese weddings
Balinese are primarily Balinese Hindus, which is a mix of Hinduism, Buddhism, and animism. Balinese have three wedding ceremonies and - in the same spirit as Hindu epics - they are melodramatic.
The first one is called ngerorod or escape. The bride is "kidnapped" from her parents' house and brought to a pre-arranged place, while she behaves distraught. The bride's family organizes a sham search party. In the meantime, the bride and groom will perform rituals and begin to live as spouses. A few days later, both their families will meet and agree on the bride's price. Routine celebrations will follow, as they are already considered spouses in the eyes of the gods. Ngerorod is a more economic option without much extravagance.
The second method, mapadik, is more in line with other Indonesian wedding ceremonies - as ostentatious as in Java. This time, the groom must formally ask for the bride's hand. As soon as permission is granted, the bride and groom will have wedding prayers in the temple, led by the priest, and are legally married. Then the guests can participate in the pomp of traditional dance, music and food - usually organized by the groom.
The third ceremony is reserved for families without sons - instead of giving away a daughter, the bride's family gains a son. It's another cost-effective option since the bride and groom are blessed by a priest in a simple ceremony.
Because most ceremonies are held in the temple, guests are required to wear sarongs, a waist scarf, and a top that covers their shoulders and upper arms.
Chinese-Indonesian weddings
Throughout the Indonesian archipelago, there is a significant number of Chinese Indonesians, most of whom are Catholics or Protestants. Even though their ceremonies differ greatly from traditional Indonesian ones, they maintain the Asian charm.
On the wedding day, the bride's family invites the groom to their home for a tea ceremony. After this small private meeting, everyone heads to the church for the wedding. The ceremony is essentially the same as other Protestant or Catholic ceremonies, but it takes place in Indonesia.
A reception similar to the western one is usually held on a grand scale - more than 1000 guests may be invited. There will be dinner and some dancing, and the bride and groom will be on stage while guests take turns to congratulate them.
Since the church ceremony is quite intimate compared to the reception, be sure to check with the host whether you are invited to both or just to the reception.
Divorce
According to Islamic law, a husband has the right to divorce his wife by saying "I divorce you" three times; however, such a verdict still requires the consent of a court. The wife has the right to demand alimony for herself and the children. Both husband and wife have the right to mutually respectful treatment and also the right to decide what common surname they wish to adopt.
Duties after the wedding
Generally, the husband is considered the head of the household; therefore, he has a duty to provide for his family. He is obliged to support his wife and children.
Conversely, a wife is expected to listen to her husband, take care of the household and children, handle the family's finances properly, and also respect the family members of her husband. The husband and wife are obliged to love each other, be devoted and provide mutual support. Their foremost duty should be the well-being of the family and children. They should provide a suitable environment for raising children. A healthy educational and moral background for children is a responsibility that all couples need to fulfill. Even in cases of divorce, the husband and wife must still carry out their various duties, such as paying alimony.
Indonesia as a culturally diverse country
Indonesia is a culturally diverse country and various ethnic groups have their own unique ways of conducting marriages based on their regional or common customs. Relationships between people of the same sex are neither recognized nor protected in the country, including partnerships, unions, and marriages. However, people of the same sex do have legal status in the country. Homosexuality is permitted in Indonesia and people of the same sex can adopt children, but same-sex couples or households headed by same-sex couples generally cannot adopt children in Indonesia.
Source: Unitedlife.sk, Expat.or.id, Sweetescape.com, Weddedwonderland.com, original work
