I'm marrying a Kenyan: Masai father spits on the bride's head and chest. They must also withstand pierced ears, tattoos, or a shaved head.

Couples in Kenya have the freedom to enter into various types of marriages; however, only five marriages are officially recognized in the country. For spouses in Kenya to be legally recognized as a married couple, they must enter into a civil, Hindu, Christian, Islamic, or customary marriage. Although these different types of marriages are concluded in unique ways according to the customs and traditions of the partners, all are recognized and protected by the laws of that country. Arranged marriages are part of Kenyan culture, especially in some communities where they are considered traditional practice. In such cases, the parents or relatives of the future spouses may be involved in the partner selection process based on various factors such as family background, education, religion, and financial status. However, as Kenya modernizes, arranged marriages are becoming less common.

In Kenya, a wedding is considered a rite of passage that every adult should undergo. It involves an exchange of vows, an exchange of rings, the payment of dowry (this can also be done by couples who want to enter into a marital relationship without necessarily doing the wedding part) and blood (the groom cuts his hand and the bride sucks his blood and vice versa). But more about that later... I will tell you about the traditions in Kenya.

More meetings until the bride finds the right one

Some practices have been abandoned and others are re-adopted to pay tribute to tradition. Each of them has passed through Kenyan history. In most cases, two to three meetings between families take place before the wedding - regardless of which tribe they both are from. This event, known in some communities as "ruracio", involves the exchange of gifts, negotiation of the dowry, and the blessing of the union by families.

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The whole ritual of courtship traditionally has numerous meetings, the first of which resembles a covert operation. The man's parents and sometimes an uncle visit the parents of his love to express his interest. If the parents of his future son-in-law liked him, they will give a green light. Otherwise, his family must quietly disappear. But that's just the first hurdle; during the second meeting he now has to ask for their blessing. If all goes well, a third meeting is planned. I would say, traditional. Now he has to provide two goats and one ram, which are immediately slaughtered to bless the union. Only then is the bride price negotiated - which will be paid long-term. When this is resolved, the groom must gather the family into the house of his bride to cook for her entire family - as a sign that he will be able to take care of his wife. But no stress, these days a chef is typically hired in most cases.

The groom is often not allowed to speak at any of these meetings, with his father and uncles taking care of most of the storytelling. The bride remains hidden until the elders call her to confirm that the groom is "the right one". But because of the cost of these holidays, most parents now prefer to combine all these various visits into one.

Of course, there are differences among tribes with these meetings, but most of them include it in some form or another.

Here are some other wedding traditions from different tribes:

Rendille Tribe

For men who are part of the Rendille tribe, a marriage proposal is more than just a simple question. The man must send beads to the woman he wants to marry, and if she accepts them, they get engaged.

Just before the couple gets married, the woman has to have her ears pierced and have various symbolic tattoos made on her body. The man, on the other hand, must provide camels to the family of his future wife.

The Rendille tribe is one of the richest among those I've had the opportunity to live with. This community, colloquially known as "holders of the God's stick", exists as a nomadic pastoralist ethnic group speaking Cushitic, which lives in the dry northeastern province of Kenya. The Rendille people maintain an extremely traditional pastoral lifestyle and continue to care for camels, sheep, goats, and cattle, which share the barren space. I felt my lifestyle being reduced to the bare essentials. It was refreshing, purifying, revitalizing. While the Rendille live in harmony with the animals, I saw a clear structure in the way they manage their livestock. Camels are reserved for the northern part of their territory, while cattle are allocated to the southern area. Even in such a wild environment, there is order..

Kikuyu Tribe

The traditional wedding in Kikuyu is called "ngurario". On the wedding day, the groom, his parents, and others come to the bride's house. But they are not allowed to enter the house. A tradition called "kuhura hoti" is performed. Women from the groom's entourage begin to sing. They bring various gifts. The women in the house also sing. After a while, the doors finally open. In some communities, an additional amount has to be paid for opening the doors.

The game follows, where the groom must identify his bride among a group of women dressed in the same dresses. This tradition is known as "gucagura muka wake". If he makes a mistake, he has to pay some money.

After finding the bride, the groom must ritually cut the goat meat prepared for this occasion. Then he shares the meat with a member of his and the bride's family. The groom must also answer a few questions asked by the representative of the bride's family. According to a tradition called "kuria matu", the groom gives the bride a goat's ears. She eats them. Then she gives him goat's ears. This act should remind them that they should always listen to each other. Single women present at the occasion also eat goat's ears.

Even the bride has some responsibilities on the wedding day. Combing the groom's hair. She also polishes his shoes. She cuts his nails. She also offers him some porridge ("gukundania ucuru"). Traditionally, he refuses it at first. But when he gets a gift, he changes his mind.

The couple receives a marriage certificate. There is a tradition that the certificate is read in public.

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Samburu Tribe

When a Samburu man meets a girl he likes, he initiates a cultural process that can sometimes last for months as negotiations about the bride's price are ongoing. The prospective bride may not even realize that a man is interested in her until his family shows up in her homestead with part of the dowry. In Samburu, women have very little influence over whom they marry. The girl's decision is not considered throughout the process. No dating. No courting. Sometimes a man lives with a woman and has children with her before deciding to marry her. Sometimes it happens that for years before a young Samburu girl's wedding, she collects beaded necklaces from family members and admirers and wears them proudly. When she reaches her teenage years, she marries a warrior chosen by her family, a man who will ensure a strong family line and whose herds will contribute to the wealth of the family.

If a man is interested in a girl after conversations, he will start planning how to pay the bride price. This varies depending on the financial stability of the family. Samburu weddings take place early in the morning before sunrise. A group of dancing women escort the groom to the girl's house. The groom pays the dowry before the wedding. The dowry could represent four to nine goats or cows, depending on the financial stability of the man's family. The animals are divided among the bride's family. On the wedding day, the groom, accompanied by several of his friends adorned with traditional ornaments, takes three goats to his in-laws and kills one (Rikoret) at the door, as a sign that he now owns his wife.

If the girl you want to marry has not given birth, then you should kill a bull, but if she already has children, you kill a male goat. The bridegroom will be accepted by the girl's family, who will take away his shoes so that in case of cold feet he cannot escape, because people will notice him on the way.

The mother-in-law will shave the groom's hair and give him a sword and traditional attire, which he must wear for the duration of the wedding. This is a sign that he must take care of his wife.

The blood from the slain bull or goat is mixed with milk and stored under the traditional bed all day. The bride and groom spend the day at the groom's mother-in-law's house and receive advice from elders regarding marriage. On the second day of traditional wedding in Samburu, the bride leaves with her husband to their marital home.

Another ritual is performed outside the girl's mother's house. The bride and groom leave her house together and are not to look back. The Samburus believe that if a person looks back, they will turn into salt. It is a way of telling the girl to never come back and build her mother's house. The bride is given a traditional pumpkin filled with milk, a sign that she will have enough food, and another small pumpkin filled with goat fat, symbolizing fertility. The spouses pour milk and grease each other as a sign of blessings. In Samburu, there is no divorce. If a man treats his wife poorly, he can be cursed by her mother.

In Samburu tradition, a young woman is ready to marry at about the age of 12. A red necklace means her father has chosen her husband. Sexual relationships are encouraged before marriage, but not childbirth. If she becomes pregnant before marriage, she will have to abort. She will have to forget every friend she had before the wedding, as she will leave to live in the house and village of her new husband, whom she has never met before. I attended the wedding as a guest and saw thus a man, who was actually the happy groom. He told me he looked forward to the meal his new wife would prepare on their wedding night. When I asked him if she was a good cook, he said he didn't know because he had never met her before.

Maasai Tribe

Brides who are part of the Maasai tribe shave their heads in preparation for their wedding. They then apply lamb fat and oil to their scalp.

One of the wedding traditions of the Maasai tribe, who live in Kenya and Tanzania in East Africa, is spitting on the daughter's head and chest before she leaves her father's house for her new husband's home. It all starts when the elders of the tribe search for a groom for unmarried girls or women. Without asking her, they arrange the wedding ceremony. Even her mom doesn't know what's going on. After paying a dowry to the bride's family, a bull is given to the mother. This signifies the departure of one of her daughters to a new home.

Somewhere, the groom's family members insult the couple upon departure to ward off evil spirits and misfortune.

Pokot Tribe

The groom in the Pokot tribe has to pay a bride price. They also have to provide their brides with a leather ring that they put on her wrist during the wedding ceremony.

In this tribe young women are often abducted from the village for a dowry of 20 goats and three camels. Most women will have no idea about the conclusion of the agreement as they spend a month in isolation as part of a ritual. One family said they deliberately hid the arranged marriage from their daughter for fear she would run away if she found out. This tribe is known to practice female genital mutilation.

In the gallery, we bring you a photo of such a girl. This is a heart-wrenching moment when young girls in Kenya are being sold into arranged marriages for cattle dowries as part of a traditional ceremony marking their transition into womanhood. Some women, dressed in tribal jewelry and with their hair tied in braids, can be seen struggling as they are dragged away and their fathers exchange them for 20 goats, three camels, and ten cows. Many of the girls, who are members of the Pokot tribe, don't realize they've been negotiated until their husbands come to pick them up after a month of isolation before the ceremony. The livestock is paid out to the girl's family over several weeks, with the last being brought on the day of the ritual when the men also pick up the brides. Many of the girls are 14 years old, despite Kenyan law now banning child marriages. As with many tribal customs, however, strict adherence to traditions is considered more important than compliance with laws.

The Pokot developed their social structure and practices to maximize each household's chances of survival in often complex and hostile environments, yet in contemporary Kenya they are seen as barbaric and unacceptable. During the ceremony, the girls will sing and remain standing from afternoon through the entire night and then in the morning. At the end of the ceremony, the girls and boys from the community dance together under the supervision of elders. It is also known about the Pokot people that they practice female genital mutilation, a practice where parts of the female genitals are removed using scissors, razors or glass before they are stitched and the legs are tied until the wounds heal.

This tradition takes place at a much younger age than forced marriages, in the belief it will keep girls pure until it's time for them to undergo the ceremony that turns them into women. However, as the rituals are usually performed by unqualified quack doctors operating miles away from any hospital and without anesthetics or antibiotics, deaths are common due to blood loss or infection. If the girls do not die, the stitches can cause them terrible pain and discomfort throughout their lives, especially during childbirth. Similar to child marriages, this practice is also banned in Kenya with a maximum penalty of life imprisonment if the girl dies, but so far there has been no successful prosecution.

Kamba Tribe

According to Kamba customs, a man must show respect to the bride's family during a Kamba wedding by first acknowledging that their girl was well-raised and therefore has great value. Through oral confirmation, Kamba customs allow the payment of a dowry to the bride's family. The dowry shows how much value the groom places on the bride. It is primarily in the form of cows and goats. The number of these animals herded into the bride's homestead is used by the bride's family to measure how well the groom is doing, and to measure how well he will likely take care of their daughter. The value of the bride increases depending on how beautiful, hardworking, or enterprising she is. However, the most expensive dowry payments were received by girls who had received formal education.

In some families of the Kamba tribe, new couples are asked to stretch out their hands. The groom's father then puts alcohol or water into his mouth and spits it on their hands to indicate that he has endowed them with wealth.

Taita Tribe

Ancestors may play a role in some Kenyan wedding traditions, especially for the Taita tribe. In the Taita tribe, alcohol is poured onto the ground before drinking. It is believed to be a way to serve the ancestors who are long gone. It also notes that sometimes couples feed each other a piece of meat instead of a piece of wedding cake.

Traditional Kenyan Clothing for Wedding Guests

Kenyan brides often adorn themselves with traditional clothing and jewelry during the wedding. These include colorful clothes made from local fabrics, such as a "kanga" or "kitenge" with a head wrap and jewelry. They mainly wear necklaces, bracelets, and earrings, often made of beads or precious metals, which have cultural significance and are believed to bring luck and blessing to the couple. The colors may vary, but black is generally avoided as it is assumed to attract bad omens.

Guests attending Kenyan weddings also have to comply with traditional dressing rules; men wear shirts in combination with trousers, while women opt for dresses that reach below their knees, complemented by scarves, if needed due to religious beliefs or cultural practices.

Colorful fabrics, such as those you see on wedding attire, are recommended but not mandatory, as guests don't have to stand out too much compared to the couple. Grooms are usually dressed in kanzu or suits along with kofia hats. Kanzu are long white tunics worn over trousers, while kofia hats are available in various colors and styles depending on the region, but all have short cylindrical crowns with flat rims. Suits are also popular among grooms who want something more modern.

The Taita tribe traditionally wears a mahando (a sisal skirt worn around the waist). Guests attending the weddings of the Kikuyu tribe traditionally wear brown clothing adorned with shells.

Are you interested in what a traditional Kenyan bride can wear? As for wedding dresses, the bride should not reveal her chest, armpits and legs out of respect to the girl towards the guests attending the wedding.

Cow's thigh

Cows sometimes play a role in traditional Kenyan pre-wedding traditions. At some traditional weddings, the groom's family will slaughter a cow before the ceremony and cut off an entire thigh. They will send it to the future bride's house to ensure that those who do not attend the wedding will have something to eat.

Family and friends of the future spouses often play an integral role before the wedding. Strong young men carry the thigh and women accompany them by singing wedding songs as they head to the bride's house, and then around midnight they receive a suitcase with the future bride's clothes and bring it to the groom's house. Taking the girl's dresses to the groom's house symbolizes the family's willingness to give away their daughter.

Kenyan traditional wedding ceremony customs

The wedding ceremony in Kenya is usually held in a religious institution, such as a church, mosque, or temple, depending on the couple's faith. Families, friends, and community members often attend the ceremonies, coming together to witness and bless the union. The couple may exchange vows and rings and participate in various rituals according to their cultural or religious traditions. Prayers, blessings, and songs, giving the event a spiritual dimension, are an integral part of the wedding ceremony. Many Kenyan weddings include traditional procedures that vary depending on the ethnic community to which the couple belongs. For example, in some communities, the bride may be required to undergo "nyumba ntobhu" or "kupamba" before the wedding ceremony, which is a ceremonial process of decorating the bride with traditional makeup and accessories.

Although rings are now a part of many Kenyan weddings, each tribe has a different kind of vow exchange. For example, in the Kamba tribe, the bride would have her face tattooed with a pattern she liked most. Nowadays, these traditions have largely disappeared and are replaced by the exchange of classic rings.

Traditional Kenyan Wedding Cuisine

Food plays a significant role in weddings in Kenya, and feasting is a common tradition observed in most communities. Traditional Kenyan dishes such as "nyama choma" (grilled meat), "ugali" (main cornmeal dish), "sukuma wiki" (collard greens), and "chapati" (flatbread) are often served during the wedding feast. The feasting is accompanied by music, dancing, and merriment.

Traditional Kenyan wedding food must include "kimanga," which is a mixture of beans and bananas or rose hips, which are mashed together. Drinks may include fermented milk, tea and traditional liqueur: Mbangara made from fermented corn husks and sugar (popular among the Taita tribe), Muratina for Kikuyu or Busaa for Luhya.

Birth

The birth of a child is a reason for massive celebrations in every Kenyan community. Therefore, the celebration is made up of elaborate rituals, such as the naming ceremony, which stems from the practices of past ancestors. Names have significance for the birth period, the activity at the time of birth, or in honor of ancestors.

In the Kamba community, birth was always a cause for a grand celebration, when the parents slaughtered a goat or a bull - while the mothers agreed to name the newborn three days after birth.

Luo birth rituals include naming the child, shaving, the first outing of the newborn, and a visit to the mother and child. The visit of girlfriends and other ladies from the village was always agreed before the visiting day.

On the day of the visit, each lady carries traditional foods such as dried meat, vegetables, millet or sorghum flour, firewood and beads. Giving is an important part of this celebration, with most gifts consisting of clothing, children's products, food and money. Each community has an initiation ceremony, which includes either circumcision (men only), scarification, tattooing, tooth removal, piercing or earplugs.

Several Kenyan communities, such as the Maasai, Kalenjin and Luhya, have elaborate initiation rituals steeped in traditional rites, lasting weeks and even months. The Maasai, for example, organize a ceremony once every five years for boys aged nine to 15. The boys spend the night in a dense forest with minimal sustenance to prepare and toughen them. The celebration involves the sacrifice of a large bull; the meat is roasted and feeds thousands of attendants, while the organs are offered for ritualistic blessings.

In the Luhya tribe, an uncle visits the boy, while the father gathers the necessary items for the ceremony: a bull, a goat, and traditional beer.

Kalenjin initiates are subjected to a long period of isolation to rid them of all childish mannerisms and unhealthy family dependence. After circumcision, the initiates are separated from the rest of the communities for months, during which they are offered advice on how to lead a proper adult life. In all Kenyan communities, initiation ceremonies consist of singing, dancing, and a massive feast .

Source: Weddingetc.co.za, Theknot.com, Lovemattersafrica.com, Weafrica24.com, Lucidityafrica.com, original work